1:18am Friday, September 11th
It's just a month before I begin my training and it's like I've been hit by a bus of wonderful, creative ideas I can't wait to bring out to the world. Even as I sit typing, it's as though my fingers can't move fast enough. Where did it come from? I searched. Oh the clarity I felt, but how? Then it hit me, that metaphorical bus, that is.
I stopped listening.
I don't know if anyone will read this, and I know its been a while since the last blog. I just knew I wanted this to come from a natural and honest place. Nothing phony, or fake. 7 months later and here I am, in the most organic and naked form of myself. Looking back on these months and the past couple of years. Reflecting on what has changed or kept "gogoing" as I call it. I've become closer to many I can now call my "family" and grew apart from some that once made a big impact on who I am today. I looked back on old videos this week and realized even my psychal body has changed. I have had a couple of difficult moments, if not days. Times of weakness, regret, sadness and self doubt. I haven't been able to get on my mat as often as I'd like, truth be told. Some days it's hard to find time, some days it's my energy, but lately it was my own voice.
That voice in your head... what does it say?
When you look in the mirror... what do you see?
I'm not perfect, I know that. Yet, I put so much pressure on myself to be just that. Perfect. I found out quickly perfection was unattainable, yet I kept trying. Living up to what everyone else wanted of me. To prove people wrong. To prove them right. Trying for an unreachable expectation I had of myself, and no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't enough. Yup! I'm was being my own bully. I start listening to the voice telling me "you're not good enough" "you don't deserve this, or that" "you can't" "you won't" or "that pimple is all they see" "those love handles". The more that I listened, the louder it got. Louder and louder and LOUDER, until it didn't matter what relaxing vacation I took or tranquil massage I scheduled. Like a quiet static in the backround of every conversation, constantly picking away at my patience. I. SNAPPED!!!
Why feed the bully? Why listen? Start now! Be kind... to who?
Yes, the golden rule: "Treat others as you would want to be treated" but guess what? We forget to be nice to someone most important to us?
YES!??! You reading these very words right on the screen. Yes, I know it's hard to believe as you might be looking over your shoulder behind you, but you are important!
You're someone's best friend, sibling, parent, child. You're someone that is looked up to. You inspire others. You may not realize you have so much power in just being you... 100% organic and unapologetic YOU!
Self worth is not measured by the "likes" "friend requests" "hate mail"
Silence that voice and don't listen until it starts to say nicer thing about you. Until that voice can't wait to compliment you in the morning and "wine and dine you" every evening. ;) Be your own best friend... because who wants to hang out with a bully all day?
"I am enough."
(say it, believe it, repeat it)